Camp ADD: A Fantasy Camp from Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo
Ahhh......Summer! Picnics, suntan oil, pool parties, raspberries, popsicles, body surfing, sun on your skin, dancing under the stars, diving in cool mountain lakes, long lazy days....certainly a sneak preview of heaven.
At least that is what we remember, or dream about. What we actually get, most of the time, is an entirely different story. Those of us who are "married or single with children" look forward to a blissful time of family warmth and togetherness. A chance to throw off the usual cranky routines in favor of a week or two of memorable family quality time.
Shared laughter, hugs, smiles, long meaningful conversations and time in the car that flashes by in an eyeblink as we sail down the road engrossed in a series of silly car games. Or listening to the sweet sounds of songs sung in perfect harmony.
What we hear instead is an unceasing cacaphony of noise from the back seat.
"He hit me!"
"Make her stop sticking her fingers in my food!"
"I have to throw up"
"Are we there yet?'
And so forth...
Of course, the front seat is no picnic either. If you are flying solo, you get to navigate the bumper to bumper traffic while refereeing fights and dodging the objects thrown and intended to hit other occupants of the rear part of the vehicle. If you are "lucky" enough to have a partner along on the trip, you get to hear an unpleasant listany of invectives from a white-knuckled driver in the seat next to you.
There is a brief respite when we finally "get there", as everyone is relieved to be out of the car and excited about the vacation delights to come. This marvelous state of affairs lasts a hot five minutes - if that. To our dismay, the long conversations evolve into a series of incomprehensible grunts and uh-huhs from a spouse who spends the entire week in a vegetative state. Or we get the other variety - the partner who paces the beach like a caged panther, bored beyond words by the enforced haitus from work.
The kids, of course, continue to ramp up the volume on the whining and complaining, until we finally have compassion for those poor souls on the news who shoot their entire family and then put a bullet in their own brains.
We vow to never, ever allow the eternal optimist within to trick us into signing on for the roving looney bin AKA the family vacation.
But what are the alternatives?
All of our friends are busy with their own family nightmares, and the idea of going alone is....well.....kind of depressing. A spa or retreat might be nice, but you don't know anybody there.
Wouldn't it be lovely if someone invented a summer camp for ADDults? A place where (chronological) children were prohibited, and spouses optional. A week or two of total irresponsibility, sheer joy, and the companionship of those who accept you without question.
We all have an inkling of how the ADDult camp experience would look, sound, feel, smell and taste. No business suits or need to conform to the rules of hotel etiquette. A lovely natural setting with plenty of woods and bushes to hide in if you are on overload. Lots of acreage so we can spread out if we want to. Of course, camp ADD would have to have all the amenities as well. Mouth watering food that someone else gets to prepare, serve and clear away. Comfortable beds with private baths. A lake or swimming pool with giant jacuzzis nearby. Massage therapists on call. You get the picture....
The big attraction, however, would go beyond the creature comforts. As ADDers, we are masters of magic and fantasy. Imagine a place where you can be whatever you want to be - and receive warm appreciation to boot.
Come on guys - we really need this! Life in the civilian world is like being in a straight-jacket, once in a while you need to take the blasted thing off or it cuts off the circulation. Most of us never really had a childhood either - don't you
think we have earned it by now?
Please send a lightning bolt in the direction of some impulsive ADDer out there. Light a fire under him or her and send them on a holy mission to make camp ADD a reality.
Peggy Ramundo and Kate Kelly
Authors of You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!
